Book Review: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

One rainy afternoon, while riding a city bus, Gretchen Rubin asked herself, “What do I want from life, anyway?” She answered, “I want to be happy”—yet she spent no time thinking about her happiness. In a flash, she decided to dedicate a year to a happiness project. The result? One of the most thoughtful and engaging works on happiness to have emerged from the recent explosion of interest in the subject.

One of the things that most resonates with me from this study is the similarity between the author and myself of expecting “gold stars” for accomplishments. Rubin showed repeatedly throughout her year-long experiment how this predisposition to expect praise and gratitude from those she interacted with negatively impacted her happiness. I find the same to be true in my own life. If I expect someone to notice what I’ve done (whether for him or for life in general), it is because I am keeping score in a way. If I take out the trash and expect someone to notice, it is often because I subconsciously view it as “not my job” and by definition, as his or her job.

The way Rubin accomplished many of her more onerous micro-goals within the larger project was to “Act the way you want to feel.” When she didn’t feel like singing in the morning, she made up a silly song about not feeling like it. I've given this counsel to my older kids (step-kids) for many years, and am now building it into the lives of my younger children, as well. Far from creating little hypocrites, a practice like this teaches ourselves and our children the importance of choosing their behavior, and thereby choosing their attitude. If we allow our emotions to dictate our actions, we never grow beyond the childish level of tantrums (think of an over-tired or hungry toddler). But as adults, we often must force our actions to dictate our emotions (getting up to help a sick loved one in the middle of the night or when we ourselves are ill). What better time to instill this life skill than in childhood?

Another concept from the book is one I've been taught by my own wise parents. "Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good." My dad, our yearbook coach in high school, used to say, "It will never be perfect, but it WILL be the deadline." In other words, don't let the pursuit of perfection either derail you from finishing a job, or from beginning it at all. If you can’t change or perfect everything all at once, work to change SOMETHING right away, and improve more later.

Rubin builds a fabulous project to enhance her happiness, with the goal of improving her relationships with others, during an intensive one-year undertaking. She uses thorough research, micro-accountability, and specific goals to measure her progress, and by doing so, challenged me to think more deeply about my own choices regarding happiness. Although not a Christian book, the Happiness Project correlates well with Scriptural themes of choosing joy regardless of our circumstances, and deciding to be content in whatever state we find ourselves. She uses the concept of considering one another in her First Splendid Truth: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make others happy. That one will preach!

There's much more to love in The Happiness Project. Take the time to read it with a notepad beside you, so you can benefit from your own intensive study of happiness.