The Cat Years

This is an article originally written by Adair Lara, quoted from San Francisco Chronicle and passed along to me by a friend.

"I just realized that while children are dogs -- loyal and affectionate -- teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

"Then, around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your footsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

"You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings.

"Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

"Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

"Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owener. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entierely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

"One day, your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, 'You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you.' Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again."

I hope this is an encouragement, as well as a bit of comic relief, for the many of us struggling to find our equilibrium with teen-aged and adult kids. They are worth every bit of the challenge. Imagine how much we are learning from them about how to be more Christ-like!

The most hurtful thing we can do to God...

Happy Valentines' Day! I hope you received an extra-special blessing from someone today, and that you were able to show God's love in a personal way to someone in your life.  On the radio today, I heard something that I really identified with, and it stopped me in my tracks. The host said, "The most hurtful thing we can do to God is to doubt His love for us." Before I was a parent, I think I would have taken issue with the way that was worded. However, as a step-parent and a parent, I think I understand exactly what was meant by that statement. I think the most hurtful thing my kids have said to me has been along the lines of "You don't even love us. You're just in this for what you can get out of it." As ludicrous as these statements are to those outside of our home, they still cause me pain, in part because there is simply no way to "prove" one's love to those who refuse to accept it. If someone chooses to see my actions as self-serving, nothing I can do will cause them to believe otherwise. In the same way, God surrounds us with His love and the product of that love: friends, family, circumstances, even beautiful sunrises and spring breezes! Yet, if we choose to believe that He does not love us, He does not choose to force Himself on us. I think that it must hurt Him, though.

I think the second most hurtful thing is to simply be ignored. Instead of someone actively accusing me of not loving them, sometimes I simply feel as though I don't exist, or that I exist only to the extent as any other household staff might exist. I pick them up, feed them, clean house, etc... just like anyone they could pay to take my place. In the same way, we can treat God as though He exists only for our pleasure. We come to expect a beautiful spring morning, and refuse to thank Him for the gift that it is. We anticipate the love of our children and spouse, but fail to show gratitude for the special way He has blessed us.

I pray today, as I am reminded of these truths, not only that I will acknowledge the place God has at the center of my life, but also that I will continually accept and reflect His awesome love to those He has brought across my path. I pray the same for you.

His strength is made perfect...

This week God has had me studying through the circumstances surrounding David's prayer for forgiveness. As I've looked at the rewards of a broken and contrite heart, my own heart has been so encouraged. It seems I am most faithful in my time with the Lord when my time seems the most limited. Lord, grant me consistency in my spiritual walk!

Yesterday ended my husband's two weeks on what we call the 'night shift'. Really, he only works till 8:00 or 9:00 most evenings, but because this involves most of the kids' inter-active hours, it makes a real difference in the spirit of our home. When Dan left for his shift yesterday, two of the kids were heading out to various activities, but the one (of the teen boys) who would be staying with me had already been part of several discipline situations. I was dreading the prospect of constantly correcting him, which I suspected would culminate with my being accused of just being a 'wicked step-mom.'

Instead, God showed His strength through my weakness, and I had a wonderful afternoon and evening with M!  What a change from the way I had assumed the evening would go!  We laughed and teased each other, and he helped me to accomplish all the little 'necessary' things, while interacting sweetly with the younger girls, who were also home. It was such a sweet reminder to me of God's ability to shine through our weaknesses, at the end of a long work-week without my hubby, to change each of our behaviors just enough to truly enjoy our time together.

I hope you'll take with you today the reminder that God's strength comes in surprising ways sometimes. Instead of giving me the consistency I thought I would need to be a loving disciplinarian for the expected problems, God just granted me a fun evening with a son whom I dearly love!  What a joy!  Go in grace...

Rachel